Being broken is something we often consider a nuisance, or an obstacle. Why is this computer broken? Why is the immigration system broken? Why did my nail break? (Ok the last one was more of a gripe than an obstacle). Though those items serve us better when fixed, we often race to fix whatever is broken and end up missing the process of reparation itself as a gift and a revelation. Before I share three stories of how Jesus spoke to me about brokenness through a phone, a djembe and my own broken person, I wanted to observe the Google definition of broken, which is a survey of its most widely accepted meanings:
Phew. Pretty dismal. I mean all of it is true- being broken does cause a lot of pain when there are broken relationships, broken items, and a broken person hood. But when the world throws away brokenness, why does the gospel seem to treat the matter of brokenness differently, saying that God demands it
(1)? Why does Jesus seem to choose to hang out with broken people over those who are perfect, such as those from the Sanhedrin
(2)? Why do countless scriptures look at the brokenness in this world with hope, rather than despair
(3)?
Object lesson # 1: Broken phone
I am not very careful with my phone. Ask anyone who has seen me with it from college to graduate school. I leave it everywhere, it falls everywhere, and really, I spend most of my life without it. Once however, I really messed up. I was kayaking in Chicago with a nice guide, and in my zeal to take photos of the majestic Chicago skyline from the humble river, I lost sight of how much water was gathering in my ziplock bag.
After the trip, I found the phone completely dead and got the help of the guide to get back home safely. I felt saddened by the loss of all the photographs I wanted to share with my dad, who loved to tell my family about the Chicago skyline when he was younger and worked there.
I put the phone in a sack of rice. I put it out in the sun. I wiped clean each part and used a hair dryer to get any last droplets of the river out. No dice. I caved and went into the local cell phone repair shop with a friend and we were greeted by a pretty hopeless answer. "Look, lady, I don't think I can help your phone. It looks pretty bad. I have to charge you for my time no matter what. Sound good?" warned the boy. I agreed, and came back in thirty minutes. "Uh...so the phone was dropped in brackish water or something? It's super rusted everywhere, and I don't think there is any hope for you. This phone's broken pretty bad so you should probably buy a new one. And I feel real bad about your photos so how about I charge you ten instead of fifteen dollars?" I paid up, thanking him for his sympathy.
I went home to find two dear friends of mine praying for their church, and wondered, what if I prayed for the phone? I threw up my hands in the air and prayed, "Jesus, please heal my broken phone, so I can speak to friends again!" My friends turned their heads toward my phone. I turned it on. It beeped, and the Google nexus logo appeared in its full glory, lighting up the screen.
What.
I texted my friend who had been with me in the repair shop. She texted back asking whether it was because I had prayed really hard, at the same time as I had replied that I had prayed, just once, to Jesus.
The adventures of Lazarus
So the phone received the name lazarus
(4). God not only showed me and my friend that He reigns over electronics, He also used the broken phone to show me how much yearns for us to hear Him.
The weeks following the phone's recovery, I was unable to make any outgoing calls. When I finally did, I could hear the person I called but the person could not hear me! It was quite frustrating. One night, my sister called me. She had gone through a lot in her day, and was telling me all about it. At the pauses in her speech, I tried to communicate to her that we should pray together, or that she should not worry, or that everything will be fine. I tried to tell her as she was saying goodbye that I love her, but she could not hear me.
"Ok Minoi I hang up now...I can't hear you but...I know you can hear me. I want to say I love you and will talk to you soon. [Pause, in which I'm telling her loudly that I love her too] Ok, well I can't hear anything so I'm going to go sleep now. Goodnight"
"Man. What's the point of fixing my phone if people can't hear me, God?' I asked.
He answered. He told me that is how He feels when we pray to Him, and think there is no one replying. In fact, He is always speaking to us, but we cannot hear due to spiritual dissonance. He has so much to tell us and wants us to discern His voice, but we have to pray against the spiritual dissonance before this can happen.
(5)
After I felt these words and thoughts, my phone started working. I could make calls and use the speakerphone for people to hear me, and for us to communicate.
Object lesson # 2: Broken djembe
My friends Jessica, Kristin and I found the djembe in the church closet with all the other instruments in storage. I felt a great affinity towards it, and asked for help to get it. It was too high up for the three of us. I climbed up the shelf and got it down. It had a gash down the middle of its skin, and was extremely dusty. I wiped off the dust, and told my friends that I will probably fix it so I can play it at the free market.
As soon as I said it, I felt the words:
"No. Broken instruments can make music just as broken people can pray to God."
I decided to follow the order I heard in the church, and did not fix the drum. I instead got into reading about multicultural worship, and brought it with me to random gatherings, where I would play the broken Djembe, telling people what I had heard in the church.
Object lesson # 3: Broken person
First of all, BIG disclaimer: I am NOT an object, because women are not objects, as no person is an object. I am merely referring to my pride, ego and self-will being broken. I found out this week what it mean to become broken in this regard. There were surmounting conflicts at the workplace. The levee broke this week, I was sick with some viral cold, I was hurt, and ended up yelling at a person. Several people empathized and even lauded my courage. I however, was in turmoil, and unable to speak peace into my soul. Did Jesus not tell me to love my neighbour? How was yelling at someone loving them? I had to shut out the voices that were defending me in my self-righteousness, My fight was not against this person, this flesh and blood, but against the powers and principalities behind the person. What had I done? I had broken a relationship and acted out of anger, not of love! It didn't matter what was right and wrong, it mattered only that I forgave and loved the person. I cried in disbelief. My ego and pride as being on the right track was shattered. I lost a lot of my will, and asked God whether there will be a chance for me to right my wrongs.
I cried out to God at 7am in the morning, singing the Kristin Stanfill song, "
Always." My roommate probably concluded that I was insane at this point. Yet, inside me, something was changing. The turmoil became joy, as I realized God was going to give me a chance for my favourite hobby ever: reconciliation! I became bold and even felt the heavy headache and fever leave me. I approached my bike and thought of the armor of God as I put on my helmet that will save me, checked my bike lights of faith, adjusted my shawl of the spirit, put on my coat of righteousness, looped the belt of truth, and put on my boots of peace. I realized riding to work that I was broken on the inside from my wrongdoing, and broken on the outside from the headache and sickness, but I had Jesus working through me. It was a miraculous turnaround at work. Peace reigned and apologies were made- on both sides! I felt like a new woman.
Snot-nosed and triumphant, I biked home to a new realization. That God was breaking me, so more of Him can shine through me. He reminded me this week that unless a kernel of wheat falls and breaks, it cannot bear fruit
(6). Indeed, I had fallen on the cornerstone and will continue to be broken. But unlike what Google declares, I will not despair of this brokenness! It is a brokenness that will shine His light through the cracks of my broken self.
I know that peace in this world will be discontinuous, and that I will keep encountering turmoil and unrest around me, especially at work. However, I now know not to reply based on my ego, reply based on my pride and rely on my own will. I need to instead pray before I think up clever replies and speak only what Jesus wills me to speak- the language of truth in love.
Worth the cost?
Let us not lose the beauty of life by forsaking that which is broken, and those that are broken. It is in the brokenness that we find God's love for us - speaking to us through the spiritual dissonance, hearing us praise him with our broken djembes, and using us through our gifts and our imperfections.
So it is worth it for you? To be broken on the cornerstone?
Bible verses
1: "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise." (Psalm 51:17 KJV)
2: "When the teachers of the law who were Pharisees saw him eating with the sinners and tax collectors, they asked his disciples: "Why does he eat with tax collectors and sinners?" (Mark 2:16, NIV)
3: "As they were eating, Jesus took some bread and blessed it. Then he broke it in pieces and gave it to the disciples, saying, "Take this and eat it, for this is my body." (Matthew 26:26, NLT)
4: "38Jesus therefore again groaning in himself cometh to the grave. It was a cave, and a stone lay upon it. 39Jesus said, Take ye away the stone. Martha, the sister of him that was dead, saith unto him, Lord, by this time he stinketh: for he hath been dead four days. 40Jesus saith unto her, Said I not unto thee, that, if thou wouldest believe, thou shouldest see the glory of God? 41Then they took away the stone from the place where the dead was laid. And Jesus lifted up his eyes, and said, Father, I thank thee that thou hast heard me. 42And I knew that thou hearest me always: but because of the people which stand by I said it, that they may believe that thou hast sent me. 43And when he thus had spoken, he cried with a loud voice, Lazarus, come forth. 44And he that was dead came forth, bound hand and foot with graveclothes: and his face was bound about with a napkin. Jesus saith unto them, Loose him, and let him go." (John 11: 38-44, KJV)
5: 12Then he said, “Don’t be afraid, Daniel. Since the first day you began to pray for understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your request has been heard in heaven. I have come in answer to your prayer. 13But for twenty-one days the spirit prince of the kingdom of Persia blocked my way. Then Michael, one of the archangels, came to help me, and I left him there with the spirit prince of the kingdom of Persia. 14Now I am here to explain what will happen to your people in the future, for this vision concerns a time yet to come.” (Daniel 10: 11-13, NLT)
6: "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit." (John 12:24, ESV)
